Friday, December 31, 2010

Happy New Year!

Okay, it's not quite the New Year yet, but I'll be helping more babies into the world for the holiday so this is my only chance to say it. 

Every year I've made a resolution that I never stuck to ... this year, I'm over it.  No resolutions, no lofty goals.  Thing is, I know 2011 will be a great year!  I know our family will expand and our lives will change without any manifestos.  It's the year of the rabbit ... MY year!  

I've been so blessed in 2010 and am thankful for all I've learned, earned, and received.  I am very excited for 2011.  There is so much before us, this is only the beginning!

I wish all of you the happiest of Happy New Year's!  May you all be blessed with love and joy.  =)

Wednesday, December 29, 2010

It's Raining Babies!

It's a well known "fact" that when it rains, life at work gets a little bit crazy.  Of course, I don't know if it's the economy, our mild summer weather, or if everyone was just feeling the love this last year ... but babies have been coming long past the typical "season."  Normally, by this time of year, work slows down and we get to take a breather before everything starts hopping again around April.  I have to brace myself before work because I know it's going to be another busy night, especially now that we're getting overtime texts left and right.  

I love my job.  I do; but it can be stressful.  I want to provide the best birthing experience I can for each of my patients ... so I have to try and breathe through it. 

Monday, December 27, 2010

What a Surprise!

This is my first month trying without Clomid.  After today, I'm convinced Clomid was throwing everything off ... I hit my LH surge three days early!  This morning was my first day to start testing (I've always started a little early, just to make sure I didn't miss it, but like clock-work it was on CD16.), it's only CD13.  Let me tell you what a shock it was to see that little smiley face this morning!!  Totally unexpected, totally threw my whole day off, but totally exciting!  

However, I've determined that I am definitely NOT sticking with my current medical group when I get pregnant.  This whole process has been a chore.  First I have to call the appointment line, but because they don't do same-day appointments they take a message to pass along to the OB/GYN nurse that is supposed to call me back.  Sometimes this happens, sometimes not.  When I finally get a hold of them, I schedule an appointment, arrange sperm pick up (which btw LOVE the sperm bank!  Always prompt and efficient and SO nice!) and so everything should be set, right?!  Not quite.  I have an outstanding medical balance - all these tests and appointments aren't cheap - so I've already arranged a payment plan with the financial department.  Yet the doc's office obviously doesn't communicate with the financial department because two months in a row they've had an issue with the balance on my account.  When I come in to check in for my appointment, it takes a lot of time and precious patience to finally figure it all out.  But after all that is sorted through, I find out I don't actually have an appointment listed in the computer ... maybe they just penciled me in?  Luckily, they've never sent me away, but instead I end up waiting nearly an hour in the waiting room for them to finally remember I'm there.

Don't ANY of these people know I'm not supposed to be stressed during this whole process?!  AAAAAAHHHHHHH.

By the time we finally got back to the doctor's room ... and, of course, waited another 15 minutes for him to show up ... I was beyond frustrated after dealing with this the past few hours and I lost it - just started crying right there on the table, pants off, flimsy paper drape on my lap and a full moon shining toward the door.  Joy.  I calmed down quickly enough thanks to Momma B.  Luckily, I also ended up with Dr. Laugh (or so I called him) who also diffused the last of my stress levels with his seriously witty comments.  So as I'm laying on the table waiting my post-IUI 20 minutes, I finally got to smile.  We may have just made a baby.  

Sorry, potential future kiddo, your Momma is a stress case ... May as well learn it now, it'll make your life - and hers - a lot easier.  ;)

Friday, December 17, 2010

Lackadaisical - It's Just Fun to Say!

I'm a lazy blogger.  I look at others' blogs and marvel at how they come up with content day in and day out.  It's not that I have nothing to say, I just don't make the time to say it.  So my end of the year resolution: stop being a lackadaisical blogger!  There ... now I have no excuse. 

Wednesday, December 15, 2010

A Half-Truth is a Whole Lie

I emailed my OB/GYN yesterday about what our next step was going to be.  Her reply:
Generally, [Momma L], we have you take a one month break after 3 Clomid cycles. We can then do another 3 cycles or we can have you see the Infertility Specialist to make sure she wouldn't suggest something more aggressive or different. Let me know what you think, although we usually are more likely to refer as a patient nears 35 years old.

I have your pharmacy information if you want more Clomid for next month or let me know if you would like a referral.
Now I have to decide my own next step.  I feel good about skipping a month of Clomid, though I cannot entirely explain why.  However, I do also want to take this to the next level (ie, the RE) if the next cycle doesn't work.  


Is this genuinely what I need to do next?  I started this whole process with a lie, in that I had to say Momma B and I had been trying for a year prior to seeing my MD just so I could get the referral and get all the tests done.  I'm glad for what came out of that, but I don't want to lie any more.  The reason for my dilemma?  My MD also asked me: "One question that I don't know the answer to, did you do inseminations prior to seeing me and if so, how many?"  Uh oh.  Does this negatively affect my ability to get the referral to the RE?  Will it affect my insurance coverage?  Honestly, do we need to even see the RE quite yet since we've only done the BD twice?!  I'm so confused.  I don't want to take things to another level when it may not even be necessary!  Yet I also don't want to waste time trying over and over ... OH! that sounds so bad saying it out loud ... but really, it's expensive, it's stressful, and I'm not getting any younger here.  This should be so easy.  Tell the truth.  My moral fabric is already tarnished by starting this process the way I did, but now I'm afraid of it backfiring.  What do I do?

Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Starting Over

AF came today.  I will admit, I cried.  I had such great hopes for this month; not only because I wanted to be pregnant, but because I wanted it to have happened before I turned 35.  Silly thing to be sad about, really, but I am.

I allowed myself a couple hours of self-pity and grieving.  Now, I'm settling back into myself ... savoring my coffee and my perseverance.

There are things I plan to do now.  I was holding myself back in fear, but what to do I have to be afraid of?  Bettering myself ... which will only make me better for my future children?  I've been wanting to get back into running.  I'd read in so many different places that starting a vigorous exercise regimen while TTC can actually hinder your success.  Well, I'm going to now!  I'm overweight as it is, how much can it hurt, honestly?!  And is running three times a week truly that vigorous?  Probably not in their definition.  So there you go.

I've already started to make a change within myself.  I was very calm about the whole process this month.  I didn't test too much or too early.  I didn't worry about every little thing that felt different or weird.  And, most importantly, I didn't question why it didn't work this month.  It just didn't, there isn't always a reason.  

I'm thankful for each attempt as each one has taught me a little more about myself.  I feel I've grown as a woman each time.  I've learned a little more patience, for the process and with myself.  That last bit is very meaningful, at least for me.  I've never had much patience with myself.  The cliché says we're all our own worst critics, but my critic was a 10-fer ... very harsh, very unyielding, very unpleasant.  Not any more.  For that, baby or no baby, I will always be glad for what we're going through.

So onto the next one.  Third times a charm, right?!

Friday, December 10, 2010


I can't explain it, I'm semi-obsessed with anything twin related.  I love watching shows on multiples, looking at pictures of multiples, reading blogs about twins, and now listening to PregTASTIC Online Radio podcasts on twins.  

Working with laboring women, I actually see very few twin pregnancies as most of them go in for a cesarean section.  However, occasionally I will care for antenatal patients that are carrying twins.  Those days always get me excited and nervous at the same time.  

To make matters more complicated, I have been taking clomid days 3 - 7 of my cycle and though I know the chances of having twins is a mere 10 - 15% ... I still think that's a pretty BIG chance!  

But ... the thought of actually having twins scares the sh*t out of me!  

I don't know why I keep thinking about it, but the dreams are still there and the fascination continues to grow.  I'm pretty sure this isn't a sign or any such silliness, but is it a normal line of thinking many women that are TTC have?

Wednesday, December 8, 2010

P.s. Lesbian Moms Rock!

This from Parents Magazine January 2011 issue on page 29:

Children raised by two lesbian moms grow into psychologically healthy teens and have fewer behavioral problems than those born into a traditional family structure, according to recent research. "A possible reason for our findings is that the pairs of mothers shared parenting and household responsibilities. And even if moms separated, most couples continued to co-parent," says study coauthor Nanette Gartrell, M.D., associate clinical professor of psychiatry at the University of California, San Francisco.
Thanks to 2 Moms - It can be done! for sharing!

Birthday and Christmas Fun

For my birthday, I peed on a stick.  Now, I knew it wouldn't tell me anything because it's only 6 DPO ... but it's my day and I can do anything I want!

Yesterday Momma B and I drove up the coast on our way to see the Radio City Christmas Spectacular with the Rockettes in Anaheim.  We stopped at the spot I proposed to her last year and watched the sunset.  It was such a great way to start off our holiday and lift our spirits!  I'm such a lucky, spoiled woman.  Momma B is amazing.  

Sunset at Crescent Bay Park in Laguna Beach, CA

We've already started a family tradition called the 12 Days of Christmas in which we do something holiday related on twelve separate days between Thanksgiving and Christmas.  It's our way of keeping the joy and love in the season ... and the fun!  Last year my mom and sister were here to join in some of it.  This year we're trying to fit it all in with my nocturnal work schedule, but are excited that Momma B's cousin and her partner will be joining us for several days.  The fun lies in the challenge (of finding not only the time, but making each year a little bit unique) and in looking toward the future and sharing these memories and the making of new ones as our family expands. Honestly, nothing gets me more excited than Christmas ... the air just feels different, even in 70 degree weather.

Christmas fun in Dana Point, CA

Thursday, December 2, 2010

Pushing AMA

At work, Advanced Maternal Age (aka, "AMA") is listed on the chart under risk factors.  AMA applies to anyone age 35 and over.  Personally, I think this number is moot these days and doesn't match our current research or technology, but it doesn't matter what I think because it's still there ... staring me in the face.  AMA.  As of next week, I'm at risk.

A friend of mine told me I cannot have a "goal" of being pregnant by my 35th birthday.  I can have a "desire" or a "want," but not a "goal."  Well, I say hooey to that!  A goal is defined as:  the result or achievement toward which effort is directed.  Well, a lot of effort has been directed toward this end -- getting myself ready physically, mentally, and emotionally.  I'm okay if I don't accomplish this particular goal on time, but it would be pretty cool, don't you think?!

To keep the effort going strong, my body is totally cooperating!  This morning I got a smiley face.

Cheery and chilly this December morning.
I'm sitting here bundled waiting for the coffee to finish brewing and the chocolate croissants to finish baking ... and the doctors office to open!!  

AMA be damned.  This is a great day!

Sunday, November 21, 2010

Cart Before the Horse

I couldn't resist.  In my defense, I was an equal opportunity bargain shopper and got both "boy" and "girl" stuff.  But it was only $2.50 for both and I'd wanted them from the moment I saw them months ago.  Eventually they'll get used by someone, but I'm really hoping it'll be by us ... um, of course.   

Can't tell we love our fur babies, can you?  ; )

Sunday, November 14, 2010

And So We Begin Again

Ah.  That is my breath.  That is the stress and depression that consumed me the last few weeks.  It's gone now.  =)  This is me, smiling. 

Thus we begin anew, with a lightened heart and a renewed sense of hope and purpose.  AF came today and my heart skipped a beat with joy.  Of course, having started today adjusted my entire ovulation cycle and now probably won't be ovulating on my birthday as was the original prediction ... but though that would've been really cool, I'm happy with anything. 

As for the house, it's not finished, but it's getting there.  I've had to learn to be thankful for what we've been able to accomplish thus far and be lenient with what we haven't. 

As for my stress, well, it was multifaceted.  I have dysthymia.  Due to this, I will probably have to take medication for the remainder of my life.  It's my mental reality.  Most of the time I'm okay with this, take my meds, and go about my daily life.  I spoke with my MD and my psychiatrist about taking my SSRI while pregnant.  After much research and several discussions, we are all on the same page that it would be best for me to stay on my meds.  BUT I wanted to try going without.  I had decided last month when I got the IUI that perhaps I could.  Not my best idea to date.  Without my meds, I'm consistently tired, easily frustrated, lack any interest in socializing or activity, and just generally feel like life is out of control.  Why I had gone on for so long without taking my meds, is still a question I cannot answer, but a few days ago the little nightlight went on in my head and I figured out why my stress levels were so out of control.  The last three days have been heaven compared to the last month!  Yeah, it's that good. 

Note: I have to talk about my depression as if it's nothing abnormal.  I have to open the discussion because if I don't, then I'm just one more person that treats it as if it were unacceptable and those of us that suffer from a mental disorder are less than.  Well, I'm putting it out there: it's not taboo and I'm definitely not less because of my illness.   

On a happier note, Momma B and I have started to talk about fitting my yoga necessity, er, desire into the budget.  And I think I have found an affordable acupunturist in the same area and am hoping to get that done as well. 

Monday, November 1, 2010


On this first day of November, I find myself reflecting on things I am thankful for ... of which there are a few today.

  • Support.  I am so grateful for the friends and family that are supporting Momma B and I through this journey.  We get asked so many questions with expectant smiles and my heart just swells with joy each time.  There is nothing more flattering and heart-felt than a genuine interest and shared excitement.  I feel as though no matter what happens, we'll get through it gracefully and with fewer bumps because we have so many people sharing their love and encouragement.
  • Words.  This post elicited a conversation last night with Momma B's parents that had otherwise been closed.  I am so thankful to have had the chance to open that door and find out more of what my FIL meant by his words.  Though we may not always understand each other or even agree with one another, I feel there was an opening of eyes last night on both sides.  Words are powerful and often don't get the respect they deserve.  I am just as much guilty of this as anyone.  Momma B's father did not intend for his words to be hurtful, but to me they were.  On the other hand, I never meant for my words to be malicious, but to him they were.  All these words came to a head and we finally had the chance to actually hear each other last night.  I value communication above most and that is all I could ask for, the openness to communicate and the willingness to at least try to understand.  I offered that to him last night and am thankful to have received it in return.  The impact of our words is nothing to be taken lightly.  I relearned that lesson last night and do not think I will be able to forget it again.
  • Advice.  I have had the pleasure of visiting with friends that have had their first babies in the last couple of months.  They are valuable women, both as friends and as a resource for me.  They have offered reassurance to some of my worries, advice for things they have learned along the way, and much laughter over all the unexpected joys and trials that goes along with motherhood.  Though I don't have a child yet, because we are in the active process of trying, I feel bonded with these women on a whole different level than before.  From them I draw strength and confidence, and in return I can only offer my support and love and babysitting abilities.  ;)
  • Patience.  Momma B is amazing.  Honestly, she embodies everything that love is ... to me, at least.  As I've struggled these last couple weeks, adjusting and crying and stressing, she's stayed true throughout and been that stable anchor that I've needed to keep from totally losing it.  She's brought me back to a place of calm and held my hand and my heart with such tenderness.  She doesn't understand my emotional fragility at times, but she doesn't have to ... she holds me all the same and is strong for me, even if she doesn't feel strong herself.  I am forever thankful to have her in my life.  If I never believed in soul mates, I certainly do now.

Saturday, October 30, 2010


The last couple weeks have been quite stressful, enough that I actually have been considering whether or not this month I should even go through with the IUI.  I have questioned the effects of stress in respect to reproducing; does it carry over weeks after? 

According to WebMD there is no known direct link between stress and the ability, or inability, to get pregnant.  However, I think it may be time to start meditating again because "when stress-reduction techniques are employed, something happens in some women that allows them to get pregnant when they couldn't get pregnant before."  I was talking with a friend last night about the use of acupuncture with infertility.  I do trust that acupuncture could help and wish I could afford treatments.  In the past it did help with my depression and stress levels.  There are studies that have shown acupuncture does increase the pregnancy rate.  Massage is also a great stress reducer in addition to increasing the blood flow and energy of the body.  I've wondered the last couple of days if perhaps it would be beneficial to schedule a massage before the IUI this month. 

Honestly, I've been looking into any way I can reduce my stress in general, but this move and my reaction to it has greatly increased my awareness of my body.  I feel now more than last month how important it is for me to take care of myself because in the short term it will benefit our gayby, but obviously in the long term it will benefit our family. 

Friday, October 22, 2010

Change? Not for me!

I don't deal well with change. I admit it. It will take me awhile to adjust. I'm actually glad I'm not pregnant this month. Too much stress early cannot be a good thing. Thankfully most of the stress is over and my uterus can prepare for gayby in peace now.

Still no Internet - Tuesday is the lucky day - so this is short because I suck at typing on my iPhone.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010


Sorry for the delay in posting.  Our house finally sold and escrow closed much faster than expected, so we weren't quite prepared for moving just yet.  Needless to say, the last week has been hectic.

Can I just say here ... I HATE moving!  Yes, I capitalized it, that is how strongly I feel on the subject.  I'll admit, I like the clearing out process, getting rid of old junk that's been weighing down the energy of your space.  I even like the unpacking process, finding a specific place for everything and organizing as I go.  However, I really really dislike packing and the physical move.  It's chaotic and no matter how organized you try to make it, it inevitably never turns out that way.  Something always goes wrong.  *sigh*  Yet here we go.  

The really fun part is, we're downsizing from 2000 sq ft to about 800 sq ft.  I've decided this is good for us.  It's definitely forced us to look at everything we're thinking of packing in a different light.  That shelf we were hanging onto "just in case" we may need it ... gone!  I love it.  The garage sale was a spectacular success because we were able to put out so many of those "some day" items.  Now that was a lot of fun!

As for our future gayby, well, we're onto round two!  Just as I suspected, all those little twinges, and "what-ifs," and phantom symptoms ... all in my head.  Ah well, at least I have a much better idea of the whole process now.  No more need to check the OPK instructions over and over and end up testing too early anyhow.  No more hour long waits at the doctor's office to figure out how to defrost sperm.  We got this!  Gayby, you'll be coming into a family of pros now!

I will definitely post more as soon as the move is over and the internet is back on.  'Til then, wish me luck.  

Friday, October 15, 2010

Still Holding On

If the last three months are anything to go by, today was the day I was supposed to start AF.  So far, no.  I did take another HPT today and still, no.  I'm really at a loss on how to feel.  There is some hope because no AF yet, but sad that it's BFN.  Yet, each day will tell, right?  No AF ... well, what else can it be?  Seriously keeping my fingers crossed now!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Negative. Positive.

I took a pregnancy test last night at Momma B's urging.  It was negative.  Why oh why did I listen to her?!  It was far too early to test and I knew it.  But ...

I tried very hard not to let it get to me, but I want this too much.  Initially, I didn't agree with Momma B that this perhaps will lessen the blow if indeed I am not pregnant this month ... however, after some time to think about it, I do actually agree. 

I was able to be sad today and then get past it.  I feel stronger and more resilient as a result.  I think that's very positive!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

It's been nearly three days.  Far too soon for anything to feel different, but everything feels different!  So here it is, in bullet form, what exactly is too early to feel, but I feel it all the same:

  • Yesterday I woke up more nauseous than I've been in a very long time.  I prayed I would be put on-call for work because anytime I moved, I thought I would throw up. 
  • Normally, around this time of the month (the day of and for a few days after I've ovulated), I have a mucus-y discharge.  Since the insemination, I haven't had any discharge even though the OB told me I had a lot of healthy mucus around my cervix.
  • Occasionally, I will get a twinge -- not a cramp so much as just a twinge of a cramp.  I rarely, if ever, cramp ... so that is very different.
  • I'm calm.  Like, unusually, nothing-can-phase-me calm.  So weird.  The car died again on me when I was out to lunch with a friend and I couldn't take her back to her house.  Normally this would freak me out and I would not be able to apologize enough, but instead we just laughed about it and called our peeps to pick us up.  If I wasn't so calm, I'd be freaking myself out with how calm I am.  lol ...
None of this points to "You're pregnant!"  And I'm sure Momma B and I are reading far too much into all of this simply because we want to be pregnant, but I can't shake the feeling that it's worked this first time.  

I was sitting, waiting, wishing
You believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

One For the Books

As if our adventures with the OPK last night weren't enough, today was full of even more craziness.

Getting an appointment with my doctor was the first obstacle of the day, only to find she was out with a broken arm.  Thankfully, Dr. B put his retirement on hold to fill in for her and agreed to let me in.

With just over an hour before my appointment, I rush to get ready and leave in time to pick up our little swimmers.  When I pull into my parking space, the battery light comes on.  Weird, but okay.  I get out and try to lock my car with the remote.  Nothing.  I open the door and try to lock the car.  Nothing.  I put the key in the ignition.  Again, nothing.  The Tahoe just suddenly, strangely decided to die right there.  Thank goodness Momma B was already on her way to the doctor's office.  I quickly called her just in time to get her to the sperm bank instead.

I pick up my tank and as I'm walking out, another girl is walking in to return hers.  She smiles and tells me, "Good luck!"  I say the same back and can't help but laugh at the absurdity of us walking around with these big @$$ cauldrons for such obvious reasons.  

Momma B and I get to the doctor's office, just in time.  We get called back and the nurse asks if she's my sister.  Uh, no.  Once corrected, she laughs a little too much and goes on about how she can't believe she would ask that.  Afterward, she seems fascinated by our lesbianism.  I don't blame her.  I am too!

Then begins the one hour mayhem of what to do with our frozen sperm.  Apparently, my doctor's office never handles it.  They certainly don't have an incubator on hand.  They usually deal with one doctor and the patients come with the sperm already thawed, or so we were told more times than I could count.  We met nearly half the office during this time as each one came in to tell us just that ... but don't worry, they're working on it!  

Finally, after an hour, Momma B and I are considering just going back to the sperm bank and spending the $300 it would cost for the IUI there.  Thankfully, I think to call them first and find out if there was another way to defrost the little guys without the incubator.  Oh sure, she says, after it's been on the counter for a few minutes (having been in liquid nitrogen, it could burn your skin) just put it in your cleavage to warm it to body temperature and liquify it.  Hmmm ...

Thanks to Momma B and her very toasty girls, we had defrosted, liquifed sperm in less than 10 minutes.  All was smooth sailing from there.  

The amazing thing is, normally most of this would have stressed me out and I would have been a mess.  Yet today, all I could do was laugh and I stayed calm throughout it all.  Very unlike myself.  I still marvel at my placidity.

Somehow, the confusion and shear craziness of the day just leaves me with the feeling that this is the day it's actually going to work.  In my life, it's the crazy days that makes things happen; not the boring, routine days.  Thus, despite logic and, well, pretty much everything you'll read out there ... I really do feel as though we got this on the first try.  Of course, only time will tell.

Either way, our TTC adventures have started off with a bang!  I have a feeling, the fun has only begun.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

This is Really Happening

$50 and a lot of stress later (now completely worth it), we got our first smiley face. I'm excited enough to burst!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Marketing Scam

Originally, I thought the Clearblue Easy OPK told me to start testing wayyyyyyyyyyy too early.  I'm already done with the package and have yet to get a positive symbol.  According to my iPeriod I am not due to ovulate until the end of this coming week ... so why did I start testing the beginning of this last week?!  Did I seriously read that all wrong?! 

Yeah, I did. 

I would rather blame it on the Clearblue Easy people and say they're after my money by telling me to test way before I needed to ... but when I look at the insert again without the eyes of first-time-testing-excitement it clearly states that I needed to wait until CD17 (that was yesterday).


Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Family Matters

After spending over a week on a road trip with the in-laws, I have to say that I have a lot to think about considering our future children's extended family. How do you protect your children from close-minded, harmful beliefs?

I appreciate Momma B's parents; they are helpful, supportive, and can be very loving. I also worry too because when you hear your partner's father say it's one thing to have and accommodate a gay daughter, but he would never accept a gay son ... um, it's a bit of a shock to your system. On the one hand, it's a blanket statement that cannot necessarily be taken at face value because he doesn't have a gay son, thus he doesn't know if that is indeed how things would work out. Yet it also makes me worry because what if we have a son that turns out to be gay ... will those beliefs/feelings/opinions carry over to a grandson?

Obviously this is something that has to be dealt with if or when it ever happens, but I think about it now because I also do not want my children raised hearing such biogtry from someone they will come to love and trust.

Yes, I am a worrier by nature. In addition, I am a strong believer in being prepared. I am also open to what others have to say; advice welcome.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

My head is going to @#$%&! explode, or why taking Clomid on a road trip sucks

Day One on Clomid: in a car headed to Colorado. Not a great combo I quickly found out. It could've been the stress of leaving late and forgetting things. It could've been the change in altitude. I blame it on the Clomid (we were only in Arizona when it started, after all). It was mild, but constant so I didn't take anything for it and just went to bed.

Day Two on Clomid: woke up with a near migraine. Almost went into panic mode because the pain was so bad and I left my Maxalt at home. Thankfully, I didn't cry and, even luckier, six Advil did the job!

Day Three on Clomid: no headache, but we're staying put in Pagosa Springs for now. Guess Car + Clomid = major pain in the ass, er, head.

Thursday, September 16, 2010


I guess our dog, Kayin, is not so excited about the possibility of a gayby in the house. =)

Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Day One

Never have I been so excited to start my period.  Today I am.  I can now start counting.  Thankfully, I've been keeping track of my periods for nine months and am able, I think, to safely estimate when I can test for my LH surge. 

We leave for vacation on Friday.  I start testing the day we come home and hopefully go for my first IUI shortly thereafter.  Nothing like a little rest and relaxation to start things off right!

 Trying to Conceive Ticker

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

We've only just begun ...

I love watching A Baby Story.  The stories of mothers before, during, and after labor.  It's neatly tied up in a half-hour package.  It never truly covers what leads up to the pregnancy, nor does it cover all that happens afterward, but I love it all the same.  Of course, I'm a labor and delivery nurse ... and that is the part of parenthood that I witness every day at work.  It is the extent of my knowledge of babies and mothers.  That is going to change and soon. 

The process of making our gayby has already begun.  I met with my OB/GYN, did the blood work, got the hysterosalpingogram, found our donor and purchased sperm, and will begin my first course of Clomid this month.  Every test thus far has come back normal.  All that remains is to be inseminated and hope that it works.  I am excited and I am nervous.  My partner is excited.  Apparently, she's over the nervous stage. 

I couldn't have asked for a better partner to raise a child with and I am glad to be at a point in my life where I am finally ready for a family.  At 34, I just shrug and say better late than never.  I'm a late bloomer.

So this is my space to share my experiences, my thoughts, my joys and my fears.  It is a space that may be named on my sexuality and my experience as a lesbian mother, but it will not be defined by these limitations as I believe my experiences will be far more universal.

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