Saturday, October 30, 2010

Questioning

The last couple weeks have been quite stressful, enough that I actually have been considering whether or not this month I should even go through with the IUI.  I have questioned the effects of stress in respect to reproducing; does it carry over weeks after? 


According to WebMD there is no known direct link between stress and the ability, or inability, to get pregnant.  However, I think it may be time to start meditating again because "when stress-reduction techniques are employed, something happens in some women that allows them to get pregnant when they couldn't get pregnant before."  I was talking with a friend last night about the use of acupuncture with infertility.  I do trust that acupuncture could help and wish I could afford treatments.  In the past it did help with my depression and stress levels.  There are studies that have shown acupuncture does increase the pregnancy rate.  Massage is also a great stress reducer in addition to increasing the blood flow and energy of the body.  I've wondered the last couple of days if perhaps it would be beneficial to schedule a massage before the IUI this month. 


Honestly, I've been looking into any way I can reduce my stress in general, but this move and my reaction to it has greatly increased my awareness of my body.  I feel now more than last month how important it is for me to take care of myself because in the short term it will benefit our gayby, but obviously in the long term it will benefit our family. 

Friday, October 22, 2010

Change? Not for me!

I don't deal well with change. I admit it. It will take me awhile to adjust. I'm actually glad I'm not pregnant this month. Too much stress early cannot be a good thing. Thankfully most of the stress is over and my uterus can prepare for gayby in peace now.


Still no Internet - Tuesday is the lucky day - so this is short because I suck at typing on my iPhone.

Tuesday, October 19, 2010

Moving!



Sorry for the delay in posting.  Our house finally sold and escrow closed much faster than expected, so we weren't quite prepared for moving just yet.  Needless to say, the last week has been hectic.


Can I just say here ... I HATE moving!  Yes, I capitalized it, that is how strongly I feel on the subject.  I'll admit, I like the clearing out process, getting rid of old junk that's been weighing down the energy of your space.  I even like the unpacking process, finding a specific place for everything and organizing as I go.  However, I really really dislike packing and the physical move.  It's chaotic and no matter how organized you try to make it, it inevitably never turns out that way.  Something always goes wrong.  *sigh*  Yet here we go.  


The really fun part is, we're downsizing from 2000 sq ft to about 800 sq ft.  I've decided this is good for us.  It's definitely forced us to look at everything we're thinking of packing in a different light.  That shelf we were hanging onto "just in case" we may need it ... gone!  I love it.  The garage sale was a spectacular success because we were able to put out so many of those "some day" items.  Now that was a lot of fun!

As for our future gayby, well, we're onto round two!  Just as I suspected, all those little twinges, and "what-ifs," and phantom symptoms ... all in my head.  Ah well, at least I have a much better idea of the whole process now.  No more need to check the OPK instructions over and over and end up testing too early anyhow.  No more hour long waits at the doctor's office to figure out how to defrost sperm.  We got this!  Gayby, you'll be coming into a family of pros now!


I will definitely post more as soon as the move is over and the internet is back on.  'Til then, wish me luck.  

Friday, October 15, 2010

Still Holding On

If the last three months are anything to go by, today was the day I was supposed to start AF.  So far, no.  I did take another HPT today and still, no.  I'm really at a loss on how to feel.  There is some hope because no AF yet, but sad that it's BFN.  Yet, each day will tell, right?  No AF ... well, what else can it be?  Seriously keeping my fingers crossed now!

Monday, October 11, 2010

Negative. Positive.

I took a pregnancy test last night at Momma B's urging.  It was negative.  Why oh why did I listen to her?!  It was far too early to test and I knew it.  But ...


I tried very hard not to let it get to me, but I want this too much.  Initially, I didn't agree with Momma B that this perhaps will lessen the blow if indeed I am not pregnant this month ... however, after some time to think about it, I do actually agree. 


I was able to be sad today and then get past it.  I feel stronger and more resilient as a result.  I think that's very positive!

Wednesday, October 6, 2010

Sitting, Waiting, Wishing

It's been nearly three days.  Far too soon for anything to feel different, but everything feels different!  So here it is, in bullet form, what exactly is too early to feel, but I feel it all the same:


  • Yesterday I woke up more nauseous than I've been in a very long time.  I prayed I would be put on-call for work because anytime I moved, I thought I would throw up. 
  • Normally, around this time of the month (the day of and for a few days after I've ovulated), I have a mucus-y discharge.  Since the insemination, I haven't had any discharge even though the OB told me I had a lot of healthy mucus around my cervix.
  • Occasionally, I will get a twinge -- not a cramp so much as just a twinge of a cramp.  I rarely, if ever, cramp ... so that is very different.
  • I'm calm.  Like, unusually, nothing-can-phase-me calm.  So weird.  The car died again on me when I was out to lunch with a friend and I couldn't take her back to her house.  Normally this would freak me out and I would not be able to apologize enough, but instead we just laughed about it and called our peeps to pick us up.  If I wasn't so calm, I'd be freaking myself out with how calm I am.  lol ...
None of this points to "You're pregnant!"  And I'm sure Momma B and I are reading far too much into all of this simply because we want to be pregnant, but I can't shake the feeling that it's worked this first time.  

I was sitting, waiting, wishing
You believed in superstitions
Then maybe you'd see the signs.

Tuesday, October 5, 2010

One For the Books

As if our adventures with the OPK last night weren't enough, today was full of even more craziness.


Getting an appointment with my doctor was the first obstacle of the day, only to find she was out with a broken arm.  Thankfully, Dr. B put his retirement on hold to fill in for her and agreed to let me in.



With just over an hour before my appointment, I rush to get ready and leave in time to pick up our little swimmers.  When I pull into my parking space, the battery light comes on.  Weird, but okay.  I get out and try to lock my car with the remote.  Nothing.  I open the door and try to lock the car.  Nothing.  I put the key in the ignition.  Again, nothing.  The Tahoe just suddenly, strangely decided to die right there.  Thank goodness Momma B was already on her way to the doctor's office.  I quickly called her just in time to get her to the sperm bank instead.

I pick up my tank and as I'm walking out, another girl is walking in to return hers.  She smiles and tells me, "Good luck!"  I say the same back and can't help but laugh at the absurdity of us walking around with these big @$$ cauldrons for such obvious reasons.  






Momma B and I get to the doctor's office, just in time.  We get called back and the nurse asks if she's my sister.  Uh, no.  Once corrected, she laughs a little too much and goes on about how she can't believe she would ask that.  Afterward, she seems fascinated by our lesbianism.  I don't blame her.  I am too!


Then begins the one hour mayhem of what to do with our frozen sperm.  Apparently, my doctor's office never handles it.  They certainly don't have an incubator on hand.  They usually deal with one doctor and the patients come with the sperm already thawed, or so we were told more times than I could count.  We met nearly half the office during this time as each one came in to tell us just that ... but don't worry, they're working on it!  


Finally, after an hour, Momma B and I are considering just going back to the sperm bank and spending the $300 it would cost for the IUI there.  Thankfully, I think to call them first and find out if there was another way to defrost the little guys without the incubator.  Oh sure, she says, after it's been on the counter for a few minutes (having been in liquid nitrogen, it could burn your skin) just put it in your cleavage to warm it to body temperature and liquify it.  Hmmm ...


Thanks to Momma B and her very toasty girls, we had defrosted, liquifed sperm in less than 10 minutes.  All was smooth sailing from there.  


The amazing thing is, normally most of this would have stressed me out and I would have been a mess.  Yet today, all I could do was laugh and I stayed calm throughout it all.  Very unlike myself.  I still marvel at my placidity.


Somehow, the confusion and shear craziness of the day just leaves me with the feeling that this is the day it's actually going to work.  In my life, it's the crazy days that makes things happen; not the boring, routine days.  Thus, despite logic and, well, pretty much everything you'll read out there ... I really do feel as though we got this on the first try.  Of course, only time will tell.


Either way, our TTC adventures have started off with a bang!  I have a feeling, the fun has only begun.

Sunday, October 3, 2010

This is Really Happening

$50 and a lot of stress later (now completely worth it), we got our first smiley face. I'm excited enough to burst!

Saturday, October 2, 2010

Marketing Scam

Originally, I thought the Clearblue Easy OPK told me to start testing wayyyyyyyyyyy too early.  I'm already done with the package and have yet to get a positive symbol.  According to my iPeriod I am not due to ovulate until the end of this coming week ... so why did I start testing the beginning of this last week?!  Did I seriously read that all wrong?! 


Yeah, I did. 


I would rather blame it on the Clearblue Easy people and say they're after my money by telling me to test way before I needed to ... but when I look at the insert again without the eyes of first-time-testing-excitement it clearly states that I needed to wait until CD17 (that was yesterday).


Oops.
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