Sunday, November 14, 2010

And So We Begin Again

Ah.  That is my breath.  That is the stress and depression that consumed me the last few weeks.  It's gone now.  =)  This is me, smiling. 


Thus we begin anew, with a lightened heart and a renewed sense of hope and purpose.  AF came today and my heart skipped a beat with joy.  Of course, having started today adjusted my entire ovulation cycle and now probably won't be ovulating on my birthday as was the original prediction ... but though that would've been really cool, I'm happy with anything. 


As for the house, it's not finished, but it's getting there.  I've had to learn to be thankful for what we've been able to accomplish thus far and be lenient with what we haven't. 


As for my stress, well, it was multifaceted.  I have dysthymia.  Due to this, I will probably have to take medication for the remainder of my life.  It's my mental reality.  Most of the time I'm okay with this, take my meds, and go about my daily life.  I spoke with my MD and my psychiatrist about taking my SSRI while pregnant.  After much research and several discussions, we are all on the same page that it would be best for me to stay on my meds.  BUT I wanted to try going without.  I had decided last month when I got the IUI that perhaps I could.  Not my best idea to date.  Without my meds, I'm consistently tired, easily frustrated, lack any interest in socializing or activity, and just generally feel like life is out of control.  Why I had gone on for so long without taking my meds, is still a question I cannot answer, but a few days ago the little nightlight went on in my head and I figured out why my stress levels were so out of control.  The last three days have been heaven compared to the last month!  Yeah, it's that good. 



Note: I have to talk about my depression as if it's nothing abnormal.  I have to open the discussion because if I don't, then I'm just one more person that treats it as if it were unacceptable and those of us that suffer from a mental disorder are less than.  Well, I'm putting it out there: it's not taboo and I'm definitely not less because of my illness.   

On a happier note, Momma B and I have started to talk about fitting my yoga necessity, er, desire into the budget.  And I think I have found an affordable acupunturist in the same area and am hoping to get that done as well. 

4 comments:

  1. i'm so glad you came out of your "slump" with flying colors! congrats!! i think it's an awesome idea to keep in close contact with your team of medical professionals, it's a group effort :)

    good attitude about the dysthymia too. you're exactly right, it's biological and can happen to anyone - only people who are pretty ignorant believe it to be a personality flaw. <3

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  2. Glad to hear things are looking up. And it is totally normal--I'd say that at least a quarter of my friends and family have various forms of depression and it's totally just a part of life. You're just lucky that you know what's going on and have found a good treatment for it, the same way someone with asthma will live better with the proper diagnosis and meds. Anyone who says any different is wrong.

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  3. thanks, jennie! i knew you'd definitely understand. i miss you. =)

    thank you too, isa! i do feel good to finally know and recognize my own state of mind. it took many years of trial and error, but i found meds that work and a self awareness i'd never experienced before. it keeps it in check, most of the time. lol ...

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  4. It's good to see your hope return, and to hear that you are back on track.

    You are so right about your dysthmia. Too many people fear to talk about it, or treat their illness like something to be ashamed of. Especially when it comes to taking meds for it. But as Darren told a very good friend of ours, you would never suggest to a diabetic that they not take their insulin, or recommend that someone with high blood pressure stop taking their pills. The meds are there to help you, and there is no shame in that. And the people who matter in your life? They don't care about the depression, they care about you. And they want to see you happy and living the life you deserve.

    Now go out there and get that life!

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