Monday, February 21, 2011

Quick, Where's the Turkey Baster?

Who knew inseminating at home would be so ... messy?  It doesn't sound that difficult, in theory.  I mean, what can be so hard?  What, indeed.  It certainly didn't turn out the way we thought.

When I called this morning, I found that our donor had only one ICI vial left.  Lucky day!*  Getting home Momma B and I just kind of looked at each other.  Despite researching it last night, all of a sudden I didn't know what to do next. 

So we ate lunch.  Can't inseminate on an empty stomach, right?!
*Can I just say how happy we are with the new donor?  Just his little guys' stats alone are far better than our other donor.  Compare: Old Donor - best stats 62% motility and 16 million "total motile sperm available for insemination"; New Donor - 75% motility and 30.4 available for insem.  Um, hello?!  You gotta love that!  Plus, the only numbers in his donor code include 3 and 7 - so auspicious.  YAY new donor man! 
The little guys were tucked in my bra, nice and body-temperature toasty.  Momma B didn't want to draw it up, so I put those nursing skills of mine to good work.  Then we went over the necessary steps.  Momma B looked so cute and so nervous holding that syringe.  Unfortunately I don't think I explained it well enough.  Not everything went where it was, um, supposed to ... in short, it was a bit of a mess.  As Momma B said, "If you're not pregnant, at least your pillow will be!"  We couldn't stop laughing about it as I lay there with my @$$ in the air.  As part of our plan, a friend of mine told me about the Instead cups that she and her partner used to keep the little guys in place.  Honestly, trying to properly adjust that while laying upside down - not so easy.  In addition to all of that some friends and websites recommended having an O afterward - the vacuum effect, I suppose - but my body just couldn't work under that kind of pressure!  I ended up laying there with two pillows elevating my rear and my legs up the headboard for over an hour.  Then I lay on my side with my hips still slightly elevated and took a nap. 

Hmmm.  Maybe we should have done a couple of dry practice runs first. 
The Great Lesbian Insemination Supply
If this actually works, we have yet another great story to pass along!  But how cute was Momma B despite her nervousness and stress afterward worrying that it wouldn't work?  Because she was the one to do the insem, there was an excitement in her eyes that I will never forget.  It made this whole messy business totally worth it to see that!  I fell in love with her all over again in that moment.  We connected on an entirely new level.

I will admit, though, it made me a little sad because this is as close as we'll ever get to impregnating each other.  I wish nature could work a little differently, but we work with the hand we're dealt and I'm even more thankful we have the technology and we live in the days in which this is socially accepted.  It was nice though, having a private moment at home like most "normal" couples have when conception occurs.  I would love to have this actually work for that reason - it's a little more special to us, I'll admit - but neither Momma B nor I have any expectations. 

So here begins a 2WW that holds less promise, but more meaning.  I'm trying to savor the memories of today, yet I don't want to put too much into this moment as that will make the disappointment of a BFN that much more harrowing.  To paraphrase one of my favorite movies: "I'm putting the baby on a pedestal."  That has to change for this to happen, so I'm going forward with no presumptions and even though I have confidence in the process, I am not putting my faith in it.


  1. Congrats on the insem!!! It *is* a funny story, and I love that you wrote so truthfully about it :) You guys seem to have an awesome attitude going into all of this, which is so admirable! :) Happy TWW!!

  2. It's so silly, isn't it, this whole process? I hope that your guys do what they're designed to do, and that you (and your pillow) get some good news in two weeks!

  3. Great story, indeed. Just based on that, I predict you will succeed against the odds. :)

  4. Thx A+K! I think it's too funny not to be honest about ... lol ...

    Isa ... I'll be sure to let you know the results of my pillow's HPT soon. ;)

    Oh Pom, let's hope you're right! =)

  5. Wow!! I'm even more excited to insem my wife now!!! Thanks for sharing all of this! You guys are great and hilarious! ~ Jen


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