Tuesday, June 21, 2011

Milk, Eggs, Gonal-F

One day the meds arrived.

Is that all?!

Milk, eggs, Gonal-F

Only a few more days left of the BCPs and then ... AF?  I hope it comes soon, but I realized if it does happen to show up 2 - 3 days after I stop the BCPs then my entire IVF schedule changes and I based my work schedule around that schedule.  Hopefully I worked in enough cushion days and it won't be a problem.  This IVF stuff is tricky business.

The in-laws came up from San Diego this last weekend.  It was great to see them again, but it made for a very busy three days. I'm worn out and had to go right back to work last night.  One more night tonight and I get another week off.  This time without any agenda, any plans, or any visiting.  Well, except for one night of drinking with my bestie to soothe the suckiness of her BFN, but that's a necessity for us both.

I will admit, looking at the schedule is overwhelming.  Life has already gotten busier just preparing: lab work, counseling visit, acupuncture, injection class, other miscellaneous appointments at the fertility clinic, and many phone calls.  I guess I've been handling it well, so that gives me hope that I'll be able to get through this next month without any problem.  

Things have been going quite well, actually.  I've already lost a little over 11 pounds.  I've been more active and feel better in general.  I'll be starting my Circle+Bloom meditation CD again soon.  I also got a yoga DVD from my acupuncturist that focuses on increasing fertility.  I feel prepared.  I feel ready.  

I'm trying not to get my hopes up too high.  There's a 40 - 50% chance it won't work.  It's hard though when everyone around you talks and acts as if it's a sure thing.  I want to believe that too, but I'm a little scared that there will be more to go through - that it can't be that easy.  I'm attempting to hope for the best and expect the worst sort of thing, but I find myself more expecting the worst.  *sigh*  

7 comments:

  1. I love the meds just hanging out next to your eggs. maybe it's a metaphor? Also, I know what you mean about the 'sure thing' stuff. The odds don't sound so much higher to me, but then it's worked for so many people that hopefully it'll keep right on working for us, right?

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  2. yay!! just take it one day at a time; ivf can totally overwhelm you in the big picture.

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  3. lol on the fridge pic! Hope you get to relax on your week off.

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  4. Woo hoo! Let the soothing begin! On a positive note, it's getting SO CLOSE!!!! Queue freakout moment! I love the meds hanging out with the eggs, and I totally agree, definitely a metaphor! <3

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  5. I want to be helpful and encouraging, so please take what I'm about to say in that light.

    Both myself and two other friends didn't get pregnant on our first IVF. We all were crushed because it felt like a sure thing. What I've come to realize is that the first round of IVF is sometimes a rough draft for the RE, to see what happens with your body.

    All three of us got pregnant on the 2nd round, once the meds were adjusted to our bodies.

    It may help to keep that in mind. Stay positive, (meditation CDs help) but remind yourself that it's a journey.

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  6. I'm in the same boat as eeny meany here. IVF worked for us on the 2nd round as well, although ironically with fewer eggs produced and less medication. There's every reason to hope the first time will work, so stay positive with that. A BFN from IVF definitely hurts a hell of a lot more, but it's not the end. One step at a time. I found meditation CD's and acupuncture SO helpful for relaxing during all of it.

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  7. Thanks so much for the encouragement and the honesty, everyone! I'm so trying to remain hopeful and, yet, realistic ... those don't often go hand-in-hand and I continue to struggle with it as some days I'm overly optimistic and others I'm overly pessimistic. It's a balance that I'm actively seeking and may never find, but eeny meany, you're very right when you say it's a journey.

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