Wednesday, September 21, 2011

Bearer of Bad News

No smiley face this last weekend, so I went in for an ultrasound.  Of course, who did I end up with, but my not so fav - Dr. A.  (She attempted to sympathize with my failed IVF cycle, but it just came across as awkward and insincere.)  Turns out I may be having yet another off cycle since IVF.   *sigh*

My one little egg in my right ovary was only 9mm on Monday and my lining was only 5.8mm - just a little questionable as to whether it's on track or not considering Monday was CD14.  Though right on track according to my iPeriod (which says I should be OV tomorrow or Friday).  Dr. A tells me I need to come back Thursday for a repeat ultrasound and my little egg should be at least 15mm otherwise "this cycle will be a no go."  Yeah, that's how she delivered the news with a completely flat affect, no sympathy, no emotion whatsoever.  I was in total shock and denial so when my fav RN told me the same thing a little bit later (with a soft voice and complete empathy) I felt like I was hearing it for the first time - though Momma B looked at me like I was a crazy woman when I responded in kind.

I let Dr. A's crappy-ness and the potentially bad news affect me for a short time, but then I decided that just because Dr. A is a glass-is-half-empty type woman, I am not!  I should be right on track for my body and I believe in that.

But ... I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about the ultrasound tomorrow.   I don't want to wait yet another month.  However, I know I need to let go of my need to control because in this entire process I honestly have no control.  It's gonna happen when it's gonna happen.  I'm thankful for the process.  Really.

3 comments:

  1. Sorry to hear that things didn't go as hoped for the first ultrasound. I'll keep my fingers crossed that today's goes better.

    I often think that these doctors are become detached because of how routine this is for them, that they forget it's people with a lot of emotions invested the process that they are dealing with.

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  2. I am sure the ultrasound will be great, and if your body isn't QUITE ready see if you can push THEIR schedule out a little bit. Or at least find out why specifically its a no go. There is not harm in another ultrasound say on Monday or over the weekend if you get a :)

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  3. I do think of you two often and wish the best... when it does happen it will be wonderful. Docs aren't my favorite people and seem to forget the "whole person" picture. Hang in there chica.

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