No smiley face this last weekend, so I went in for an ultrasound. Of course, who did I end up with, but my not so fav - Dr. A. (She attempted to sympathize with my failed IVF cycle, but it just came across as awkward and insincere.) Turns out I may be having yet another off cycle since IVF. *sigh*
My one little egg in my right ovary was only 9mm on Monday and my lining was only 5.8mm - just a little questionable as to whether it's on track or not considering Monday was CD14. Though right on track according to my iPeriod (which says I should be OV tomorrow or Friday). Dr. A tells me I need to come back Thursday for a repeat ultrasound and my little egg should be at least 15mm otherwise "this cycle will be a no go." Yeah, that's how she delivered the news with a completely flat affect, no sympathy, no emotion whatsoever. I was in total shock and denial so when my fav RN told me the same thing a little bit later (with a soft voice and complete empathy) I felt like I was hearing it for the first time - though Momma B looked at me like I was a crazy woman when I responded in kind.
I let Dr. A's crappy-ness and the potentially bad news affect me for a short time, but then I decided that just because Dr. A is a glass-is-half-empty type woman, I am not! I should be right on track for my body and I believe in that.
But ... I would be lying if I said I wasn't a little nervous about the ultrasound tomorrow. I don't want to wait yet another month. However, I know I need to let go of my need to control because in this entire process I honestly have no control. It's gonna happen when it's gonna happen. I'm thankful for the process. Really.