Sunday, November 20, 2011

Get Along Little Doggies

Courtesy of Health.com
Things in our household have been a little, um, challenging lately.  The main issue: my depression and the lack of treatment.  At our last appointment with Dr. S he made it a point to discourage me from taking my low-dose antidepressant unless I was suicidal.  Which, FYI, I'm not.  I'll admit it scared me a bit even though our beloved Dr. M, my past OB/GYN, a pregnancy risk hotline my OB/GYN referred to me, and my psychiatrist all told me my dose is low enough and the benefits are strong enough that taking my antidepressant is important and outweighs any potential, albeit small, risks.  However, despite all the recommendations I've received and all the research I've done, Dr. S's little speech left me very scared and I stopped taking my meds.


No meds means several things, some of which I am experiencing and some of which I'm not. Normally, I start to lose interest in everything and sleep sleep sleep.  My energy levels have actually been improving from what they were at the beginning of my pregnancy (when I was on my meds) and I'm still very happy and very interested in everything that is normal for me - and some new interests too!  However, no meds also means I have no patience and am apt to fly off the handle at any little thing that frustrates me.  As Momma B says, I lack my regulator.  And THAT is what has made the last couple weeks so challenging.


Poor Momma B.


Nothing in our household can truly frustrate me like our doggies.  I'll admit right here right now: I have not been a "dog person" most of my life.  I'm not even sure I'd qualify myself as one now, but these two doggies I've adopted have wiggled their way in my heart and though I still have some difficulty taking full parental responsibility for them, I'm getting there.  Unfortunately, our current living situation is not ideal for two very large, very energetic Rhodesian Ridgebacks.  And normally, if they take their boredom out on something in their immediate environment, I may get frustrated, but I also understand and Momma B and I try to do what we can to allow our big boys to get their energy out and receive a lot of love and support.  


Not lately.


We come home and any little thing that may be amiss, I get steaming mad in less than a second and cannot control the angry words and the volume of my voice.  I completely lose it.  Luckily, I usually get over it just as quickly and instantly feel bad for my lack of control.  Unfortunately, it's become a regular occurrence and it's been affecting communication between Momma B and I - causing a few arguments and tense moments.  Not a good situation.


So a couple nights ago, Momma B and I finally hashed everything out and though it was one of those gut-wrenching, tear-inducing, brutally-honest conversations that take it all out of us, it also ends up being the best conversation we could have ever had because we figure out so much we never thought we could and we end up feeling closer than ever.  Yeah, one of those.


We concluded two things: 1) I definitely need to be back on my meds.  This is a not a comprehensive explanation of how my depression has been affecting me, just one example.  And no one, it seems, can say definitively how either affects the fetus - studies are difficult to come by and/or small and all SSRIs are grouped together - so it truly has to be an individual choice.  So one small scare and one recommendation against half a dozen others should not be enough to deflect what I need; because ultimately it comes down to taking care of myself so I can take care of our babies.  And 2) our senior citizen doggies (nearly 7- and 8-years-old) now need to be crate trained - because what we are currently doing to try and prevent problems/destruction is obviously not working and will not even be possible once the babies are here. 


Ultimately, we both realized that now that we're pregnant, our outlooks are different and decisions rest on what is best for our family.  Because that is what we are now.  Not to say that we weren't before, but we were a family of two only.  Life really only involved us.  We now have to think beyond ourselves and THAT will make the rest of our lives a bit challenging.  ; )

4 comments:

  1. I have been taking a low-dose SSRI. My Drs all think it is fine if it is what I need, but my acupuncturist advised me against it. The docs all seem to say the one that has been monitored the most during pregnancy is Zoloft, if that info is at all helpful.

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  2. I'm one of those folks who need to stay on an SSRI during pregnancy, both for myself and for my partner (I suppose the dogs benefit too). My irritability makes everybody miserable. Sometimes, it's for the best. You're not alone.

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  3. Oh, honey. Pregnancy + poorly trained dogs = crazy anger. I don't have depression and we've had some VERY similar conversations about what to do with my unreasonable anger and expectations towards our loving, sweet, bad, bad dogs. I hope the meds help even things out, but if they don't,on this particular front, please know that you're not alone.

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  4. Thank you SO much everyone! It's a wonderful relief to know I'm not the only one. It's such a taboo subject, so not many people I know IRL will actually talk about it. I appreciate all of you.

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