|Courtesy of Health.com|
No meds means several things, some of which I am experiencing and some of which I'm not. Normally, I start to lose interest in everything and sleep sleep sleep. My energy levels have actually been improving from what they were at the beginning of my pregnancy (when I was on my meds) and I'm still very happy and very interested in everything that is normal for me - and some new interests too! However, no meds also means I have no patience and am apt to fly off the handle at any little thing that frustrates me. As Momma B says, I lack my regulator. And THAT is what has made the last couple weeks so challenging.
Poor Momma B.
Nothing in our household can truly frustrate me like our doggies. I'll admit right here right now: I have not been a "dog person" most of my life. I'm not even sure I'd qualify myself as one now, but these two doggies I've adopted have wiggled their way in my heart and though I still have some difficulty taking full parental responsibility for them, I'm getting there. Unfortunately, our current living situation is not ideal for two very large, very energetic Rhodesian Ridgebacks. And normally, if they take their boredom out on something in their immediate environment, I may get frustrated, but I also understand and Momma B and I try to do what we can to allow our big boys to get their energy out and receive a lot of love and support.
We come home and any little thing that may be amiss, I get steaming mad in less than a second and cannot control the angry words and the volume of my voice. I completely lose it. Luckily, I usually get over it just as quickly and instantly feel bad for my lack of control. Unfortunately, it's become a regular occurrence and it's been affecting communication between Momma B and I - causing a few arguments and tense moments. Not a good situation.
So a couple nights ago, Momma B and I finally hashed everything out and though it was one of those gut-wrenching, tear-inducing, brutally-honest conversations that take it all out of us, it also ends up being the best conversation we could have ever had because we figure out so much we never thought we could and we end up feeling closer than ever. Yeah, one of those.
We concluded two things: 1) I definitely need to be back on my meds. This is a not a comprehensive explanation of how my depression has been affecting me, just one example. And no one, it seems, can say definitively how either affects the fetus - studies are difficult to come by and/or small and all SSRIs are grouped together - so it truly has to be an individual choice. So one small scare and one recommendation against half a dozen others should not be enough to deflect what I need; because ultimately it comes down to taking care of myself so I can take care of our babies. And 2) our senior citizen doggies (nearly 7- and 8-years-old) now need to be crate trained - because what we are currently doing to try and prevent problems/destruction is obviously not working and will not even be possible once the babies are here.
Ultimately, we both realized that now that we're pregnant, our outlooks are different and decisions rest on what is best for our family. Because that is what we are now. Not to say that we weren't before, but we were a family of two only. Life really only involved us. We now have to think beyond ourselves and THAT will make the rest of our lives a bit challenging. ; )