Sunday, January 29, 2012

Body Changes

I look back at some of my previous posts and feel sad for the part of me that was so very afraid of being fat and pregnant.  It has been a beautiful paradigm shift - the wonder that is currently my body continues to hold me in awe.  I am not afraid to show it off.  In the past, I often had hateful thoughts particularly about my belly, but now I am nearly in love with it.  I love the round softness that is taking shape.  I love to touch and look at it, knowing what is taking place inside.  There isn't an ounce of animosity.  Momma B's fascination with my body - and especially my belly - has increased as the pregnancy has advanced and she makes me feel more wonderful than ever.  It's a relief of a change. 

There are a couple things I miss about life pre-pregnancy.  I miss being able to brush my teeth without gagging.  I had thought this would go away after the first trimester, and though it has abated some, it is still there each and every time.  Joy.  I also miss being able to breathe.  I've become a mouth breather during half the day as I feel I can never get enough air through my nose.  Chapstick has become my best friend since dry lips come hand-in-hand with this particular sort of breathing technique.  Walking upstairs has become quite the breathing feat and cleaning requires frequent breaks.  In other words, the second trimester is definitely better than the first and pregnancy is treating me very well.  If this is the worst, I think I can handle it just fine.

Tomorrow is a big day for PB&J.  Tomorrow morning we meet with the perinatologist for the first time and have our 20 week anatomy scan.  We're really hoping to get some good u/s pictures of these little boys.  We haven't gotten any clear, beautiful photos for quite awhile because they are always too active and barely allow Dr. G to trace their heart rates. Okay, perhaps I should say we're hoping for two very healthy boys, but I have to admit it's a worry neither Momma B nor I have had.  I'll admit, we go through nearly everything in our lives assuming things will be exactly the way they're meant to be.  Naive? Overly optimistic?  Realistic?  Guess it all depends on your own approach to life, but no matter what, we will roll with the punches so to speak.  We have the love for these boys and the support in each other and in our families and friends to get through anything life may throw at us.  So hopefully some great photos to come!  

Have any of you looked up the Chinese gender prediction charts?  Well, I'm here to tell you they're pretty damn accurate!  I'm happy to announce it's raining BOYS!  I've looked them up for me - BOY(s), my awesome friend N who's ten days ahead of me - BOY, and now our sister-in-law who's six weeks behind me - BOY!  What a fun time PB&J are going to have growing up.  A built in BFF with J and N's little guy; and now a cousin the same age to go visit in San Diego for all the holidays and summers.  Funny thing is, it really is boy season.  Most of the women in our MoMs group are also pregnant with twin boys.  Seems we missed the girl season by at least six months.  Ah well.  Poor Momma B, now she's getting even more pressure to have a girl when we start this TTC process again in a couple years.  Guess we'll have to consult the charts first!  

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Life, So Far

I'm on disability.  Already.  Overall, pregnancy has been uneventful.  Until the last week and a half at work when I started getting consistent cramping, lightheadedness, and generalized feelings of something not quite right.  It was time and Dr. G knew it - I knew it.  Though it made me nervous initially, I'm starting to settle into the idea.  The financial aspect isn't a big source of stress since we luckily live in a state that provides long-term pregnancy disability.  However, I've only been at my job for four months and am not covered by FMLA; additionally, my maternity coverage is only four months - hopefully, I should be pregnant longer than that.  So I'm worried about having a job to come back to, but as Momma B said I cannot focus on that too much - what will be, will be.  And she's right.  I need to focus on these little boys.  

It feels like my body was far more exhausted than I realized.  Since being put on disability on Friday, after a very busy weekend with friends and family, I can't seem to get enough sleep and rest these last few days.  It's still been a fairly busy week.  Monday night we went to a MoMs breastfeeding support group that turned out to be just us and a mother of boy/girl twins that talked with us extensively one-on-one, giving us a lot of very helpful information.  Yesterday afternoon I met with the MoMs exercise physiologist before she went out on maternity leave to learn things I can do to keep active throughout the rest of my pregnancy, if I were to be put on bedrest and after the babies are born.  Right after that meeting, Momma B met me in the hospital lobby for our personal tour of the Labor and Delivery unit and NICU.  Then tonight we went to our weekly MoMs class.  Tomorrow I have my hair appointment and I have to go to the doctor's office to get my disability paperwork signed.  

Now, under normal circumstances none of this sounds like it's too much or too busy, but these days my energy levels are a lot lower (something I honestly didn't expect).  So this feels like it's go-go-go and am I tired!  Pathetic, isn't it?!

Of course, the luxury is that I can sleep in most days.  Thus I know it won't be long before I start to feel better and not so exhausted.  After today, I already feeling like I'm getting there.  Thank goodness too, there's so much to get ready and do before these boys arrive!

In other news, there are some interesting things going on with and within my body:  
  • I'm already starting to get the linea nigra, Momma B noticed it today.  
  • I also noticed a stretch mark starting on either side of my belly button.  Normally, this might freak me out a bit, but I have to say with the pregnancy I find things like this more fascinating than disturbing.  Right now they're very small and I continue to cover my belly in lotion at least twice a day, but can't fight genetics, right?!  
  • PB&J are very active every night and sometimes throughout the day.  Unfortunately, we haven't gotten to a point yet where Momma B can feel them kicking around in there. 

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Why Is It . . .

Once pregnancy happens, life seems to be a little more boring?  Or at least feels less blog-able?  Perhaps this stuff is more interesting than I think, but in my head the things I think or those things that do happen are minor and not really of interest to anyone but myself or Momma B.

Feel free to skim through this because I'm going to write it down anyhow - in my lame attempt at being a better blogger.

It's been hard going through the last couple weeks without hearing PB&J's heartbeats.  I have found my anxiety growing a bit this last week since I thought I could no longer feel them move.  Turns out those feelings were not consistent - in how I felt them or when.  I would go days without feeling a thing and when I did feel something it was no longer the bubble feeling it started out to be.  Thus I started to doubt what I was feeling really was babies.  

Tuesday I attempted to nap before work and had two separate nightmares that we couldn't find heartbeats for either baby.  Talk about being freaked out!  On a night I had hoped for a slower work night so I could sneak a listen with the Doppler, of course it was busy with women in labor.  Unfortunately, the nightmares were the least of my problems as I was not feeling well in general, but tried to power through.  During my lunch break, I started to get lightheaded and nauseated.  I thought it was just low blood sugar so I ate my pasta and drank some juice.  I waited for the feeling to subside, but no.  My co-workers encouraged me to go home.  I started to cry because it was a busy night and I didn't want to leave them short on nurses.  I continued to cry because I didn't like feeling incompetent due to my pregnancy.  Each of them told me my babies are too important and convinced me to go home finally.  

Later that day, I started to get a lot of mild cramping in my uterus and a headache that refused to go away.  I slept most of the day and woke up at some point soaking wet.  My fever had finally broke.  After that, I began to slowly feel better, the cramping was subsiding and last night I know I felt PB&J move and kick!  Such a relief.    

Momma B asked me Wednesday morning when I came home from work if perhaps I was sick from the anxiety and nightmares.  I was almost convinced she was right until the fever started and broke.  I'm pretty sure now it's the other way around: I was getting anxious and having nightmares because my body was fighting off this illness.  

The cramping is totally gone, the lightheaded feeling is gone, and my headache, though still present, is mild.  Thankfully I avoided a trip to the hospital and I feel well enough to go to work tonight.  We have an OB appointment tomorrow morning (I was not able to get it rescheduled any sooner though I tried yesterday morning).  We'll finally get to see and hear these little guys again.  Plus I've felt them both move again this morning.  Even bigger relief!

As I said, life is pretty boring.  My blood sugars are still not cooperating though my Glyburide dosage has been increased twice now.  I'm still tired a lot, but feel pretty close to normal most days.  I am hungry all the time and still craving anything heavy in protein - meat, milk, cheese, nuts, you name it!  

How cute are these baby rockets?!
Momma B picked up our cribs early this week and the crib sets we ordered also arrived (despite my initial desire to make the crib sheets and skirts, it ended up being cheaper to buy them and I feel a little better knowing I won't mess them up with my beginner sewing skills!).  This weekend is supposed to be a wet one and the weatherman said no traveling into the Sierras without chains ... so though we were hoping to take a day trip to Lake Tahoe this weekend, it looks like we'll be setting up the nursery instead!  Yay!

Between feeling better, finally seeing babies again tomorrow, setting up the nursery this weekend and breakfast with my family on Sunday - it should be a nice, boring weekend!  Hope yours is too.  

Wednesday, January 4, 2012

Who Knew?!

That was the last guess we had.  We thought for sure one of each, or maybe two girls.  Of course it was a possibility, we knew it was a possibility, but it wasn't one I had considered.  Cannot explain that at all.

It definitely changes your entire outlook of the pregnancy and the future.  Names are already assigned and identities start to form right before your eyes.  Plans and decisions can finally be made.   Suddenly things start to become clearer and life feels like it's just beginning.  Such a strange feeling, but the most amazing sensation at the same time!  My heart has grown three sizes today.  

PB showing off his stuff!
J reluctantly let us see.  =)
PB&J, our little baby boys, you're already the apples of your mommas' eyes!

P.s.  Lola, our darling little kittie, wanted to express how very excited she is to remain the only princess in our household.  ;)

Tuesday, January 3, 2012

I Felt Them!

That's right!  Babies are on the move.

I waited a few days to post this because I wasn't sure what I was feeling truly was what I thought it was.  Now I'm convinced it's definitely PB&J.  The only way I can think of to describe it is like bubbles popping inside my uterus.  It's the coolest feeling ever.  I never thought I'd feel them this early.  I can't wait for them to grow bigger and stronger so Momma B can feel them too.  Just amazing!

On a side note: we scheduled another ultrasound to find out PB&J's gender.  I so hope they're finally ready to show their stuff.  

Twins - Week 16

Monday, January 2, 2012

Big Step

We ordered the cribs today!  Cribs - as in, more than one.  Wow.  This is getting crazy real.  No worries, babies - we'll be ready for you.  I'm just a little in awe of this right now.

So pretty!

Sunday, January 1, 2012

Happiest of New Years!

I have been a terrible blogger lately.  For some reason, I haven't been that interested in social networking.  I haven't been keeping up on Facebook nor have I been keeping up on all the blogs I follow, let alone posting here.  Perhaps I just needed a break from the internet.  I can't really explain it, but I'm here now ... I haven't abandoned this little blog of mine.  Hope you haven't either!

Our holidays were quiet and passed by without much fanfare.  It took Momma B and I some time to fully get into the spirit, but eventually we did. We decided on a toned-down version of our typical gift-giving and celebrating.  I had to work Christmas Eve night, but Christmas day was a perfect low-key, fun day.  I headed straight from work to meet Momma B at her aunt and uncle's house for Christmas breakfast with her cousin and his two boys.  Then we met our besties, J & N, for a gift exchange and got an awesome surprise when we found out they're having a baby boy!  Then it was back home so I could nap while Momma B finished wrapping and started getting the house ready for her parents, who were driving up to spend the week with us.  Momma B and I spent a quiet evening opening our presents to each other and then got our "Christmas morning" with her parents on Monday.  

We had an OB appointment on Friday and brought the 'rents with us so they could meet Dr. Animated (aka Dr. G) and see babies, of course.  We just love him!  We got to see PB&J on screen again as they faced each other and looked like they were playing pat-a-cake - too cute!  We were so hoping we'd be able to find out their genders, but they were definitely not in a good position that morning.  Just in case, we had booked an appointment at a sonogram company for the afternoon.  After the hour long wait in the tiniest of waiting rooms that was seriously over-crowded, we got to see them again, but unfortunately they were napping and still not in a good position.  The tech had us walk around the building for ten minutes and I decided to give them a sugar boost with some chocolate while Momma B and I were power-walking.  When we got back they were definitely awake, but only J had changed positions enough to see anything.  Unfortunately the tech still wouldn't say anything though we're pretty positive we know J's gender!  So since no determination was made our money was refunded and we have high hopes we'll be able to find out soon.  Maybe this week?!

I ended up having to return all the maternity clothes I'd ordered online for my birthday because they were completely too big; no matter how huge my belly may grow, the rest of me would continue to swim in them!  Yesterday we went to Motherhood Maternity and though their plus-size selection was limited I actually found quite a bit!  All I can say is ahhhhh.  No more squeezing poor PB&J with the increasingly tight waistband of my last pair of jeans.  I am finally starting to actually feel pregnant!  

I also received this awesome ornament pair from the awesome 1 In Vermillion.  How cute are these?  Seriously!

Unfortunately, I am a horrible craft exchange partner and did not finish/send mine in time.  My deepest heartfelt apologies to Mina's Musings ... it's finally on it's way, but I can't apologize enough for missing the mark BIG time!  =/

On that note, I am taking an idea from 2 Moms - It Can Be Done! and am choosing one word that will be my inspiration for the year.  My word for 2012 is Organize.  It is definitely something that I always aspire to, but fall far short.  And with two little ones on the way, it is more imperative than ever that our lives become more harmonized and composed ... we will not have the luxury of procrastination any longer.  This year organize will help direct my decisions.  It's definitely time.

Hope the New Year finds happiness and joy for all of you!
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