Friday, March 23, 2012

Freak Out!

This has been a very tough week, emotionally.  After nearly two weeks of mostly sitting around with too much time on my hands to think, I find myself worrying distressing fretting and unsettling my psyche with so many thoughts - ranging from silly to serious.  I don't feel ready physically, psychologically, emotionally ... Granted I know there's no way I'll ever feel ready in any way.  Yet that doesn't stop this stupid mind of mine from going way out to left field.  I worry about diapers - do we have enough?, clothes - do we have too many?, silly stuff.  I worry about not having enough time with them after delivery - I'm only approved for up to 8 weeks, if I will be able to exclusively breastfeed both - my main goal, stressful stuff.  Ugh.  I want to control these thoughts, not let them make me cry again and again, and definitely not let them take over.  If they do, they could easily affect the outcome of some of these things I'm nonsensically worrying about - e.g., breastfeeding.  Ugh again.  I need to let it all go ...

Today we went in for a 3d ultrasound to try and finally get a good look at these boys.  Once again, they were not cooperating.  They need to figure out how many pictures they're going to be in once they're outside the womb and just get over their shyness.  For reals.  We got the best 2d profile pic of J yet, but it still wasn't that great.  We were almost able to see J's face in 3d but not well enough.  PB and J were basically laying face to face with a tangle of arms and legs in between - though at one point it looked like PB was laying with his hand and chin on top of J's head.  Seriously cute.  I wish we could have gotten that shot clearly.  Good to know, shy or not, these boys already look like they're good friends.  Okay, they're forced to be close right now, but we already talk and make up stories for them so it works for us.  Yeah, we're kinda nerdy that way.

P.s.  We finally got all the pictures from our second baby shower.  This weekend I'll be sorting through them all and will post about them very soon.


  1. Yes, it's all silly because our nursery is almost 100% done and I feel like the next two showers should be diaper and formula showers. Because that's what we truly need. Cant' wait to see your shower photos!

  2. I'm sorry your mind is running away with you--I've been trying hard to squelch any thoughts that aren't positive because otherwise it's down the rabbit hole. For diapers and clothes--you can always get more when you find you need them. For the time and breastfeeding, there's nothing any of us can do, I don't think. Not that that's helpful. Do you have any preggo projects to focus on to distract yourself? Something easy but time-consuming (cross stitch comes to mind)? *hugs*!

  3. Totally normal thoughts, I do believe. Be reassured, your babies will have everything they need and more!

  4. I would lay awake at night obsessing about the same things, diapers being the most common. We planned to use cloth but for those you often have to wait until your baby is born and then see what fits and what doesn't so although we had a bunch to try, that was as far as I could get until he was born. And I'd keep telling myself it was fine since we have plastic ones so it's not like he'd be without, but it never helped.

    Breastfeeding was another thing that I worried about, since you can't practice for it, there's not a whole lot you can do to prepare, and sometimes it doesn't work out despite your best efforts.

    I did find that the closer I got to the birth, the less stupidly-obsessed I was. I was still concerned about things (bfing in particular), but I was closer to actually being able to do something about it and figuring it out.

    Long-winded way to say I think you're normal :P And if you're not, then I'm not either, and so you have company.

  5. Thanks so much everyone! It's good to know I'm not alone ... I know it's normal to worry, I couldn't believe how fast and hard it can hit you! After writing it all out, taking the weekend to just breathe and having Momma B listen to everything I had to let out ... I feel so much better. Back to my normal self, nearly. =)


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