Thursday, March 29, 2012

So There I Was . . .

... just an innocent bystander at my diabetes clinic appointment, when the nurse decided to call my OB/GYN since my blood pressures were high and I was significantly out of breath.  I thought it concerning, of course I did - this was the first time my blood pressures have spiked - but I never thought it would lead to me being admitted to the hospital!


Doctor's orders - the nurse walked me over to Triage in L&D to be evaluated for PIH (Pregnancy-Induced Hypertension).  My blood pressures started out 150s over 100s.  I still had 1+ protein in my urine.  I had found out on Monday that I gained 14 pounds!! in two weeks - definitely water weight as my increased swelling and breathlessness can attest.  Didn't look fabulous for me, but luckily my liver enzymes and platelet counts were still normal.  As Dr. G told me on Monday and the fabulous Dr. K told us yesterday - my body is trying to develop pre-eclampsia.  Dr. K laid everything out for us yesterday and covered all the bases.  I was very impressed with her bedside manner - she knew I knew what she was talking about, but still made sure to cover it in detail so that Momma B and I were both on the same page with regard to how much we understood.  It definitely put us both at ease. 

There was a small chance I could go home, but they decided to admit me to monitor my pressures closely, collect a 24-hour urine specimen, and start my insulin protocol to get these damn blood sugars under control.  I got the first betamethasone dose yesterday - that lovely steroid that helps the babies lungs and brains mature in case of early delivery, but has an even lovelier side effect of raising blood sugars even higher.  Great time to start me on an insulin protocol, don'tcha think! 

Last night I was so set on the initial information I got from Dr. K that I may be here for a day or two.  I focused on that.  Not that I'm not being treated well, very well in fact; the nurses here are simply wonderful.  However, switching roles from nurse to patient isn't so easy and is quite surreal.  I want to help more than I can, but instead I have to sit back and let them do things for me, appreciate their role in my care, and let them do their job ... as I always hope to receive from my own patients.  I have to let some of that need to control go.  That includes trying to control what's going on and putting my trust in the doctor's words.  And they're no longer saying a couple days, but rather a couple weeks ... possibily until delivery. 

I'm still wrapping my head around that because though I know how unpredictable pre-eclampsia can be (and yes, I found out this morning that is the official diagnosis), I still just want to be home even if it's stuck in my own bed.  I know this is the safest and best place for me to be.  I know this is where they'll catch things before it gets too far.  I'm accepting that, but it's still hard.  I miss Momma B.  I miss our kitties and doggies.  I miss my bed.  However, I want these boys to stay safe and sound in my womb for as long as possible; their best chance for that is with me staying in the hospital. 

So I have resigned myself to the worst case scenario - staying here until delivery - and with resignation comes perspective, positive perspective.  I will take from this many things, not the least of which is a deeper understanding and compassion for my future patients that may go through something similar.  I will take from this a greater appreciation and love of my chosen profession and those I share that passion with - namely, these awesome nurses and aides that have already made me feel so cared for.  I will take from this a greater understanding of my body and it's limitations and amazing strengths.  I will take from this the love and support I have received ten-fold from family and friends.  I will take from this the amazing love and support from Momma B - she is my rock, the love of my life - I will never be able to take that nor her for granted.

I'm sure there will be down moments and you may stand witness to those as well.  I am, after all, human.  However, in the end I will walk away from this stronger and more understanding.  Deep down, I'm sure this is not a journey that will end soon - I'm holding onto these kids for at least another 4 - 6 weeks.  Sorry boys, you're stuck with your momma until then. 

Looking ever so swollen and happy to be in Triage!
Happy, reactive baby boys - and contraction free!

6 comments:

  1. Oh gosh, sorry...but if our surrogate was in this situation I'd hope that she would stay in the hospital, too. You know it's the right decision, so that's good. Thinking good thoughts for you. Now's the time to start knitting. LOL. Take care of yourself!

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  2. I'm so sorry to hear that you're stuck, but it does sound like the best place to be. And you have such an awesome attitude about it!

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  3. i hope things have settled down and those boys stay put for many more weeks. hang in there, mama!

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  4. You are such an incredibly strong woman...make that mom! I love your positivity, because the end result is beautiful health boys. Graet thing about being at the hospital, is that you always know how they re doing(via monitors) and it's never bad having extra eyes on you and the boys. Let Brea and everyone pamper you. We will come and see you soon.

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  5. Hope the next four weeks or so go quickly. Sounds like you're in the best place for you boys, hope you're able to get some rest and prepare yourself for their arrival.

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  6. I am a medical interpreter and even going to my annual check-up is a good reminder of what my patients may be experiencing when they're in the hospital dealing with very serious issues. It helps me be more compassionate and empathetic with my work. Glad you can see some positive to a tough experience.

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