Today we had another ultrasound. (To keep the following in perspective, our last u/s was a mere 11 days ago.) I will preface this by telling you I'm still in shock.
In less than two weeks, J has gained nearly a pound. He's now just over 5 lbs! - measuring at 34 weeks for a singleton! However, the true surprise is PB. I'm not sure I entirely believe it because according to the u/s tech, he's gained nearly two pounds - weighing over 7 pounds!!
Now granted, there is an estimated +/- 14 oz margin of error, but even still that means he's at least 6 and a half pounds. Oh my. Oh my! J's margin of error was smaller at +/- 8 oz, but honestly I have a feeling he's a little bigger than measured as his head was tucked so far down it was difficult for the tech to get a good view.
Not that I'm doubting your mathematical skills, dear readers, but OMG do you realize?! - that's like 12 pounds of babies in there!!!!!! *le sigh*
I simply cannot wrap my head around it.
Now I know we're only 33 weeks today. I know PB&J are better off inside than out at this point. I know bed rest is helping reroute all my energy to growing babies. I know the problems that can arise if born too early. I know the risks and benefits. I know all of it. But. Right now, right at this moment, I'm done.
I'm stuck in a bed with little to do and an unfortunate inability to focus on those activities I want to do. I'm uncomfortable - with a constant pain in my ribs, working harder to breathe, the never-ending swelling, the persistent headaches, waking up every 45 - 60 minutes at night to pee (yes, I keep track!), the night sweats. My body is not my own and I miss it. I want to be home. I want to finally see and hold and smell these dear babies that I can only try to imagine. My life is in a holding pattern. Though the days creep by, I feel no forward motion. Planning, preparing, dreaming - all on hold.
I want some control over the situation, but I have none and have to try and give over to that - make peace with it. It's not working so far.