Tuesday, May 1, 2012

For Reals?!

Today we had another ultrasound.  (To keep the following in perspective, our last u/s was a mere 11 days ago.)  I will preface this by telling you I'm still in shock.


In less than two weeks, J has gained nearly a pound.  He's now just over 5 lbs! - measuring at 34 weeks for a singleton!  However, the true surprise is PB.  I'm not sure I entirely believe it because according to the u/s tech, he's gained nearly two pounds - weighing over 7 pounds!! 


Say what?!  


Now granted, there is an estimated +/- 14 oz margin of error, but even still that means he's at least 6 and a half pounds.  Oh my.  Oh my!  J's margin of error was smaller at +/- 8 oz, but honestly I have a feeling he's a little bigger than measured as his head was tucked so far down it was difficult for the tech to get a good view.  


Not that I'm doubting your mathematical skills, dear readers, but OMG do you realize?! - that's like 12 pounds of babies in there!!!!!!  *le sigh*


I simply cannot wrap my head around it.


Now I know we're only 33 weeks today.  I know PB&J are better off inside than out at this point.  I know bed rest is helping reroute all my energy to growing babies.  I know the problems that can arise if born too early.  I know the risks and benefits.  I know all of it.  But.  Right now, right at this moment, I'm done.


I'm stuck in a bed with little to do and an unfortunate inability to focus on those activities I want to do.  I'm uncomfortable - with a constant pain in my ribs, working harder to breathe, the never-ending swelling, the persistent headaches, waking up every 45 - 60 minutes at night to pee (yes, I keep track!), the night sweats.  My body is not my own and I miss it.  I want to be home.  I want to finally see and hold and smell these dear babies that I can only try to imagine.  My life is in a holding pattern.  Though the days creep by, I feel no forward motion.  Planning, preparing, dreaming - all on hold.


I want some control over the situation, but I have none and have to try and give over to that - make peace with it.  It's not working so far.

6 comments:

  1. You are a serious trooper! 12 pounds of baby! My goodness, can't wait to see those big, healthy boys!

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  2. Lots of baby in there!! So proud of you, try to keep your eye on the prize! You got this! XOXO

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  3. whoa, big babies! good job, mama!! :)

    i know it's miserable. hang in there...you are SO close!

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  4. Go mama! I know things are tough right now but you're almost there!

    Sending good vibes your way :)

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  5. Hang in there! There will be a day in the not so distant future when you can lie on your back and be comfortable in any position... It's coming, I promise!

    My twins weighed in at a total 15.5 pounds at birth, so I understand where you're coming from! Soon this will actually all be a fond memory!

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  6. My twins were both supposed to be 7 lbs each. One was 6 lbs 11 oz and the other turned out to be only 5 lbs 10 oz. Still, it was over 12 lbs of babies. My poor surrogate was ready for them to be out by the end. Good luck. It'll be worth it.

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